A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CHILD PRESIDENT

America’s Child President Donald Trump started the day by leaking that he was going to nix the Paris Accords and join Syria and Nicaragua in continuing to spew out toxins. The Child President announced that following on his Saudi Arabia visit he had decided not to move the American Embassy in Israel to Jerusalem. Hey - ho yet another promise broken. But just because he had broken nearly every pledge didn't mean that he would break his promise about axing The Paris Accords.

THE LEAKS ON PARIS

He reminded us, all day, that he simply “loves coal”. He let it be leaked that the former CEO of Exon Mobil, his own Secretary of State, was in favor of saving the planet. In spite of that he leaked he was going to tell the rest of the world to go jump in the lake. 

He had argued on the stump that the Paris Accords was a conspiracy hatched between the Kenyan born Obama and China to bankrupt America. Anyway he wasn’t going to tell you now what he was going to do. You would just have to wait till 3 o’ clock when he would make the big announcement.

 THE BEGINNING OF THE DAY - THE TWEET

No day is complete without a tweet.  

As the nation and the world knows the Child President likes to tweet. (He has this in common with other children).  At just after 12 o’ clock at night, long past his bedtime he tweeted, “Despite the negative press covfefe”. No one knew what the Child President meant and controversy raged. Some argued that the word was coined during "The Bowling Green Massacre". Others believed it referred to his former FBI Director James covfefe or it was a new drink at Starbucks, a grande covfefe.  His Press Secretary maintained that the Child President and a small, (Jay H. Ell’s emphasis), group of people knew exactly what it meant. To enshrine the whole incident in Trump History the Child President tweeted again, “Who can figure out the true meaning of covfefe, enjoy”. 

Well you know who cracked the code - "Crooked" Hillary. She maintained that it was a hidden message to the Russians. Hillary was right because just in case anyone had forgotten about Russia the Child President decided to return the confiscated spy homes of the Russians back to them. They had been confiscated by President Obama as one of the sanctions on them for interfering in the Presidential elections. As the Child President doesn’t believe that his newest best friends ever interfered in the elections, he is giving them back their spy facilities. 

NEXT ORDER OF THE DAY  - THE SECURITY BRIEFING

After tweeting a security briefing is the next order of the day. The Child President takes the well being of the nation very seriously and that is why he wants the meeting to be brief. This allows him more time to actually keep the country safe instead of listening to a whole lot of stuff that even if he understood it, he wouldn’t believe. So paragraphs must be short and contain the Child President’s name. That not only keeps his attention but confirms that it he is the boss. For example, the briefing report should read, “Only Child President Donald Trump can save America by acting heroically in not telling the Philippine President where our submarines are”. He also likes the reports to contain pictures as that makes this boring thing a bit more interesting. What irks him the most is the fact that the security people still think that they have a monopoly on what constitutes intelligence.  The Child President believes that the biggest security breeches are taking place in the WhiteHouse by leakers that leak their own stuff to the Fake News Press.  He is convinced that they are all operatives paid by Obama and Hillary to sabotage him. That is why Jarrod wanted to use the Russian Embassy so they couldn’t spy on the Child President.

WHITEHOUSE COMMUNICATION THEN FOLLOWS

Next order of business after the briefing is Whitehouse communication. Whatever goes wrong with the Child Presidency is as a result of his poor communication team, whom he would fire if he could find anyone to replace them. He has made it clear to them that the only audience they need satisfy, is him, the Child President. They seem to be getting it, finally.

While the attention was focussed off Russia for the moment the Child President was able to get his Communications people to get the truth out about his extraordinarily successful historic oversea trip. His Press Secretary, Sean Spicer maintained that everything was “historic" - the week, the speech, the event…. Then Spicer described Trump’s relationship with Angela Merkel as “fairly unbelievable”. To reassure the disbelieving he added, “They get along very well. He has a lot of respect for her. They continue to grow the bond they had during their talks at the G 7”. Merkel had summed up the historic week by announcing that she had written off Trump's America and Europe had to go it alone. Obviously she has poor communications people as they are not getting the message out about the historic relationship.

However it was left to Hope Hicks his Communications Director to set the record straight as to the Child President’s attributes - “(Child) President Trump has a magnetic personality and exudes positive energy, which is infectious to those around him. He has an unparalleled ability to communicate with people, whether he is speaking to a room of three or an arena of 30,000. He has built great relationships throughout his life and treats everyone with respect. He is brilliant with a great sense of humor and an amazing ability to make people feel special and aspire to be more than even they thought possible.”  So sucks to the naysayers.

THEN THERE ARE THE MEETINGS WITH DIGNITARIES

Part of the day is meeting with foreign leaders. The Child President has a secret to disclose - he prefers the strong guys - the guys that tell as it is, like he does. Therefore Duerte, Erdogan, Putin and even that pikkie, Kim Jung Un, are his role models. If you can’t do what you like what can you do? As he explained to the late Bill O’Reilly, "What is a bit of killing between friends - we do it too”.

Of course he is polite with softies like the Australian Prime Minister although all that Australia has is better health care than America. As the Child President told him, in private, the reason for that is that America has Obamacare and when Trumpcare is passed then America will have the best health care in history. 

Truth be told he doesn’t do so well with the women leaders like Britain’s Theresa May and worst of all Germany’s Angela Merkel. It is has taken a great deal of restraint not to comment on their pathetic looks but he promised his therapist he wouldn't and that is one promise he promised Ivanka he would keep. 

Any rate meeting with dignitaries takes up a lot of time and sometimes you have to feed them as well which is really a drag. When things are quiet at Mar a Lago he instructs the Whitehouse to take up one of the last minute deals and he schleps the dignitary and their whole entourage along. (No fool is our Child President). 

THE PRESS CONFERENCE - CLIMATE CHANGE

Occasionally, after his nap, the Child President holds a press conference.

There is only one thing the Child President likes more than his rallies in front of his bloodthirsty crowds and that is a Press Conference where the world awaits his pronouncements. They all are historic. He smiles inwardly, and he rarely smiles period, when he recalls the occasion when thousands of media gathered to hear what his investigators had found in relation to Obama’s birth certificate. He had built up the tension informing all that they would be surprised at the historic findings. Funnily enough no one was amazed that he had found absolutely nothing. 

Now they were awaiting his pronouncement on the historic, (for real), Paris Accords.

Mike Pence claimed that it was his greatest honor to work for Child President Trump - “thanks to him America is back again as he puts America first”. The Vice President is doing such a great job he may well be promoted to the Communications team.The Child President then auditioned for the team as well by outlining his achievements to date. He then stated that he was “getting out of Paris” but he hopes to be able to “get back in”. This he will do by negotiating better terms for the American Workers whom "he loves". “Believe me”, the Child President argued “America would be taken for a ride if they stayed in”. It was all so unfair as all the other countries could mine the coal that America could not anymore. The whole thing was a redistribution of United States wealth to other countries. (What could you expect from that traitor Obama!).

In summary the Child President didn’t explain why all the businesses and industries, that he claimed would lose out from The Accords, supported them. He also added he was in favor of all that green stuff and he would work to make America the leader in climate change. He maintained that the world was laughing at America. He believed they would stop now. 

THE CHILD PRESIDENT FOOLED THEM ALL

Only a Newt Gingridge would have been perceptive enough to see this historic fooling of the world by the Child President. He had for the first time done what he said he would do. He had fooled them and kept his promise on Climate Change. All the wise money was on him backing off after all Ivanka was in favor of The Accords. Even she didn't realize that he had to put Pittsburgh before Paris. (Only he and Syria and Nicaragua had seen this deal for what it was. Even the Mayor of Pittsburgh was in favor of The Accords ). 

So the score today on the Child President’s promises: one for the Saudis and one for the Child President’s base.

The other achievement by the Child President was he had moved the discussion away, for the moment, from the return of Russian spy facilities, from another undeclared meeting between his Attorney General and the Russians and from the labelling of Jarrod as a person of interest in the Russian investigation. With a bit of luck everyone, especially the foreigners, will attack him on the destruction of the planet rather than his selling out to Russia. With a bit of luck too this would last at least till Comey goes and lies to Congress.

The other historic moment that Newt might have noted was that the Child President had announced, once again that he was opting America out of world leadership thereby keeping his promise to somehow make “America Great Again”.