FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE
Jay H. Ell can now reveal after months of painstaking research and at risk of the loss of his life that Donald J. Trump is Vladimir Putin’s candidate for US Presidency. Our very own Donald is central to Russia regaining its glory so cruelly ripped away from it when Ronald Reagan and George Walker Bush sent thugs to break down “that wall”. Putin is really a KGB apparatchik that has grabbed his country back from the likes of Gorbachev and that woes Boris Yeltsin who couldn’t even hold down his vodka. The objective is to put the old USSR together again and break NATO.(In fairness our Donald has only publicly agreed with Putin on NATO). Who better to partner the Russian matinee idol then our own God's gift to women,The Donald. Our man in Moscow has, amongst his many sacrifices, built Trump Towers and other great buildings like The Taj Mahal Casino and he like Putin is the greatest. Taking over the USA is a stroke of genius of course and is the only way Putin could imagine becoming top dog again.
HOW?
Trump nearly gave the game away when he said he had previously met Putin and uncharacteristically drooled praise in language used only to describe his good self. He thought that the Russian Premier for life was powerful and strong. While he didn't quite say that Putin should be the President of America he just said that he was a far better leader than Obama.
The foolish media thought they had caught Trump out when he blurted out that the two had parleyed when they both were interviewed on Sixty Minutes and in Moscow at Trump’s Beauty Pageant. The intrepid media proved that it was impossible but in truth it was the truth. When The Donald said, “Believe Me” they should have, this time. Putin of course went ballistic at Trump’s indiscretions but the latter reassured, “Believe me” he said to Vlad, “ Nobody believes anything I say, especially when I say, believe me”, And of course he was proved right. Since then Vladimir doesn’t worry anymore at all The Donald’s regular gaffes that, if he was treated like a normal inhabitant of planet earth, would blow his cover.
All KGB big deal that Vlad is he confesses to his inner circle that he cannot understand America. All the Americans know Trump is lying and a total childlike phony but they still treat him like an adult swarming around him and asking his opinion on everything and anything. What finally did it for Putin that America was nuts was the fact that Trump started rising in the polls just because he stopped behaving like a lunatic. That together with the fact that he held a nation in thrall with the media at his feet with an announcement that the current President was born in America! This event shook Putin's usual composure to its foundations. If this is what a free press was all about, thought Vlad, Russia was better off with it censored. Moreover if democracy can produced a whackhoo like Trump then lets stick to dictatorship. One fact was for sure Putin mumbled, this loon wouldn’t have lasted a day in Mother Russia.
WHY?
Now that we have established the connection why did it all happen? Notwithstanding Trump’s genius, and we have his solemn word on that, his business career is really very undisciplined. In fact his biggest success was on TV where had to outlay no bucks. He is constant trouble with harebrained ventures into areas he knows nothing about. This ranges from disastrous casinos, to fake Universities to low alcohol vodkas to off steaks to landlocked airlines, boring magazines and the like. Usually reliable sources have informed Jay H. Ell that he ran out of banks in the US of A that would loan him money. (As he subtly points this out in the campaign - America is no longer Great). So Donald went in boots and all to the murky Eastern world.
China and for the first time Jay H. Ell can reveal Russia have partnered him in various ventures. In addition Donald has business big time in countries such as Korea, Turkey, United Arab Emerates, Libya, Azerbaijan and Ukraine. He has three hundred such partnerships. In a signature piece in Newsweek their investigation revealed his shadowy dealings with oversea figures who were variously defined as thugs and criminals connected to those in power. (Interestingly enough, The Donald, never a shrinking violet, did not claim all these international connections as part of his foreign policy experience. He just said that his was better than Sarah Palin’s as he had actually been to Moscow for his pageant and not just seen it from the Trump Towers). Being President of the United States would allow The Donald to conduct foreign policy favorable to his deals, that wouldn’t go away, even if he put them in a blind trust managed by his not so blind children.
PUTIN SUPPORTS THE DONALD
Vladdie is a bit more circumspect in his praise for The Donald. Trump claims that his “partner”, Putin, says the most flattering things about him. Donald needed to embarrass the Democrats big time so Putin’s team hacked the Democrats and their Party up the ying yang. Putin nearly threw a fit when Donald skipped the diplomatic bag and on TV asked him to hack Hillary’s e mails. It was only when he replayed the tape that he noted that “his man in the USA” had said “believe me” at least four times during the interview, that he relaxed.
Now in case The Donald isn’t aware Putin has the same policy on torture as he has, “believe me”. So he better deliver. Thus far the KGB Russian leader is still not totally aware of the ins and outs of getting people to the polls in America and that it requires organization, which The Donald, lacks. In Putin’s Russia they just declare that he received ninety seven percent of the vote. Nobody asks how many voted otherwise they might join the other three percent.
CONPIRACY UNCOVERED
So there you have it. Of course The Donald can disprove it all by producing his tax returns where most of this doesn’t appear. However, The Donald is a vain man and the last fact he wants exposed is how much he spends on his hair which he regards as a business expense. So if these foreign adventures go sour and his perfidy is exposed in greater detail he can blame Hillary and claim that he picked up all these contacts from The Clinton Foundation. It works every time.
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