TRUMP AND THE CLINTON CONSPIRACY

A SATIRE

The Clintons faced a challenge - How to elect Hillary, who had negatives up the ying yang, and in the process at least win back the Senate which the GOP donors would try and keep out of Democratic hands at any cost. Now we all now how devious, crooked, dishonest, treacherous, murderous, ambitious and canny the Clintons are - after all for fifty years now they have got away with murder, lies, selling America to foreign agents, backing terrorists, peddling influence, being subservient to special intersts and subverting government in order to line their own pockets. 

They had defied all comers including special prosecutor Starr who had 80 million dollars and dictatorial powers to lock up anyone he liked, endless legislative hearings, (with even an impeachment hearing thrown in and, most recently, 10 Benghazi hearings costing $10 million to nail Hillary), FBI investigations and massive personally funded attempts to sink them. 

So even though it is rare for the President’s political party, after 8 years in office, to elect yet another President, let alone a shrew of a woman who the nation didn’t trust, they could do it because they were the Clintons.

THE CAUCUSING AS TO HOW TO GET HILLARY ELECTED

So the inner caucus met prior to Hillary announcing her candidacy - the Clintons, Begala, Podesta, Carville and for democracy’s sake Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. They needed money and of course that was never a problem to the Clinton mecernaries. It did mean that after she announced her candidacy Begala and Carville, who were going to form money grubbing Presidential Action Committees, could no longer sit in at these inner caucuses. They also needed an organization which was already in place and they could count on the Obama infrastructure.  Most important, they needed a Republican candidate that they could beat. Somehow if only they could push someone like Cruz or a Huckabee into the GOP leadership the task would be much easier. They needed a Bush, a Rubio or a Kasich like a hole in the head. It was indeed a problem. Then Bill, just to prove he hadn’t lost his touch, came up with Donald Trump.

TRUMP??

At first they all stared at him incredulously. Had Bill finally lost it? Nothing pointed to a loss of his marbles even though he dosed off from time to time. Bill then explained that The Donald had called and wanted to chat to him as a friend, man to man about something very serious. Bill had deferred as he wanted to run his plan by them all before getting back to The Donald. But the questions came in thick and fast and Bill, of course, had all the answers. How did Bill even know that Trump wanted to run? Baba answered patiently, because he had got this far by tolerating fools, “Trump announced publicly that he was giving the matter thought”. This time the maestro opined that he believed that the real estate mogul was serious and had already started campaigning. “What do you think that ludicrous birther episode, that went on forever, was really about”. But isn’t he a Democrat countered another. To which the First Black President countered dryly, “So was Reagan”. 

HOW TO GET TRUMP TO JUMP

But how to persuade him and then get him to say and act in such a way that Hillary would appear to be the country’s savior would be up to Bill. How could he even win the GOP Primary? To President 42 it was really a piece of cake. He had persuaded that lunatic Gingrich to eat out of his hands. The Donald would be piece of cake. 

“All I have to do is flatter him tell him how marvelous he is. Tell him that the reason I am helping him is that The Clintons have looked for an opportunity to pay back the Republican establishment that have made their lives such a misery over all these years. "Just continue to massage his ego”.

 Bill sagely added, “Don’t underestimate his skills to screw up. If his birther campaign is anything to go by. He doubles down and redoubles even when he has patently lost his case. In the end whatever happens he just concludes it all by declaring victory by some parameter that he decides upon. Like when Obama produced his long birth certificate. He claimed that he had had an investigation in Hawaii that would shock the world. He was going to announce the earth shattering outcome at a Press Conference. The world awaited and in the wake of Obama’s produced birth certificate Trump claimed that America owed him as he had forced a conclusion to the problem that never existed till he had created it. To this day he implies that he is unsure where The President was born”. 

"So he will go on forever" said the spinmeister confidently.

Bill the canniest politician of them all would feed into The Donald’s paranoia that the GOP Establishment would fight him, rig the Primary against him and that he would be running against them first and foremost. Then Bill would push his rationale for his "helping him". His central argument would be that if the Clintons had to lose they would rather lose to a straight shooter like the “blue collar” billionaire who at least was for the little man. 

 BABA GOES TO THE DONALD

When Bill finally “was available” to converse with The Donald he began at the beginning reminding the mogul that he had to win the Primary first. That his most serious challenge would be from the Repubican Establishment. They would be punting the GOP's, Growth and Opportunity Project which was an autopsy of the 2012 election. Their recommendations had been put forward as to what was needed to be done to win the 2016 election. The Donald was not "quite clear" as to the new policies. So he asked that Bill just "confirm" with him what these were. The Donald then strained to increase his attention span so as to listen. In low tones number 42 outlined the GOP recommendations - top priority was an almost hysterical appeal for the GOP to champion a new immigration policy otherwise they would lose the Hispanics and the White House for the foreseeable future. Logically, the GOP report’s second preference was to win over the minorities in general. The other determinations called for acknowledgment of the gays, back the GOP Governors in the blue states, listen to criticism and finally stop being the Party of the rich man. 

The Donald didn’t have the discipline not to blurt out his excitement at the opening he saw in the soppy GOP. He would take on the Establishment and their sell out to the Hispanics, the minorities and immigration. He would champion the blue collared white middle class and take on both Establishments on trade. He would appeal to the true Americans, who were the white majority, and cut the political correctness out by not kowtowing to the Hispanics whether they were legal or not. The GOP priorities had not included security and the radical Muslim fundamentalists nor had they addressed the home grown Muslim terrorists, which the Donald would laser like focus on. His message would be simple and clear. He would appeal to the whites to "Make America Great, (White), Again”.

 When Baba asked him about his election organization he responded bemusedly, “What organization? I don’t need any I can do it myself.  I will sell my message. I alone can save this country from the rapists, murderers, thieves and illegaIs. I am loved. I have the greatest TV following ever. I know how to attract the medias’ attention. I am a winner". 

BABA GOES BACK TO THE CAUCUS

Baba reported back. “He is clueless and a megalomaniac. He thinks the Republican base is the American electorate. He has not the vaguest idea of what it takes to win a national election. However, with the anger at Washington generally, the corporation outsourcing, the belief that it is the bad trade deals that are the main problem with the economy and the loss of high paying manufacturing jobs, he will resonate with the GOP base and blue collar whites generally. He is a demagogic, nationalistic bigot. But Hillary should not not take anything for granted - first the Primary and then the election - Remember what happened last time”. There was no argument from anyone least of all Hillary. She had learned the hard way that it ain’t over till it was over. 

AND THEN….

The rest is history. The Donald delivered - the gift that keeps on giving. He was magnificent - first smashing all comers to win the nomination and splintering the Republican Party.  Then he spectacularly crashed and kept crashing in Presidential prime time. 

The Donald like Old Man River, in flood, just kept thundering on with lie after lie, blunder after blunder and chutzpa after chutzpa like attacking Hillary’s and Bill’s tax returns while he refused to produce his own.

As for Hillary’s first term, the Republicans decided to have no legislative agenda so as to prevent a Hillary second term. They would continue to do nothing. They then were surprised that their base nominated Duck Dynasty’s Willie Robertson as the 2020 Republican Presidential nominee. 

The Republicans, of course, finally, got it right and blamed the Clintons for the whole thing. They walk on water you know.